I'm a driver!

I did an amazing thing yesterday….drive by myself! I have lived in several American cities, driving in all kinds of conditions (California highways, Atlanta traffic, Boston attitude), but none was like the sheer terror of taking your life into your own hands behind the wheel like it is here in Santo Domingo. The best I can describe it is like a cross between the video game Frogger where you wait on the curb to make your move as the cars come speeding by, and all of those race car driving games where you have to drive slow to make the turns and as a result all of the other race cars come speeding around you from behind passing you on both sides all at once. Yikes! Now you see why this is such a feat to accomplish.

Eric has been giving me driving lessons every now and then. It started out on a quiet Sunday morning when there was little traffic on the road and I got behind the wheel to drive to church. Then, the other day after running some errands he suggested we take a test drive from our house to his office so we (he) could make sure I knew how to get there. Getting to his office requires several main roads with a lot of traffic and TWO traffic circles. Nobody follows the rules of the road and defensive driving techniques are a necessity. So, off we go and on the way he is literally telling me things like, “You need to stay in this lane, because the public cars and buses are stopping in this lane over here and the lane we are in has fewer potholes.” (well they are more like open cavities in the asphalt as opposed to potholes) “OK, now when you get to this traffic circle you need to be in this lane because these cars on the left are going to cut you off to go to the right, but you need to be ready to veer off to the right watching for the incoming traffic from the right as you turn onto the street.” Talk about gripping the wheel at “ten” and “two” like they told you in driving school!! All this while you are keeping your eyes open for cars running red lights and stop signs from your right and left, and dodging fruit carts and stalled cars. I am not exaggerating!

Well, I guess I passed the test, so yesterday we decided I would take him to work after lunch and take the car.

He throws me the keys, we buckle Little Eric in, I put on my sunglasses, say a silent prayer, take a deep breath and back out of the parking spot. I got him to work alright, dropped him off, relished the feeling of freedom I had at the same time feeling slightly weighed down by the fact that my child’s life was literally in my hands and off we went. Good music on the CD player, seatbelts fastened, mirrors checked for a second time, off to find the playground. Well, it was a perfect afternoon with no problems, except for the near death experience I had as I was waiting for the gate to our apartment to open and a truck was headed straight for me until the driver who had been looking down swerved to miss us (BTW… I didn’t mention that one to Eric, so don’t tell.) Ericito and I found the playground we’ve been to a few times and he slid down the slide about 243 times before we headed to the grocery store. We didn’t get lost and we only got honked at one time, which I consider a success.

Not in any way to overspiritualize our outing, but really to have a laugh I was thinking about the experience and had a few thoughts about how driving here can illustrate a few life lessons:

1. It’s best to be neither too timid, nor too aggressive when driving. This seems like a metaphor for life. If you are too timid you miss out on opportunities. If you are too aggressive you don’t enjoy the journey because you are too focused on getting ahead. In driving you have to just put your foot on the peddle and get out there or you’ll be stuck waiting for too long. Eric kept telling me over and over again not to slow down too much when trying to change lanes.

2. Treat each other as you would like to be treated. The golden rule applies if you want to stay safe and not enter “road rage” territory. I have learned that if a car is moving into your lane, cutting you off, trying to race past them to let them in behind you is a dumb idea and one that will get you hit. Just let them in. If they want to run a stop sign, let them go on their merry way. It is not my job to correct wrong behavior, although that’s often what I want to do when a car is muscling their way in front of me at a stoplight. In a small way I consider it a polite act of service when I let someone go ahead of me.

3. Keep your eyes on the goal and you will get there. Staying focused is the only sure way to arrive at your destination in one piece. One of the country’s ironies is that while it is illegal to run a red light you will most assuredly not ever be stopped for doing so, even though it endangers others. However, if you are caught talking on your cell phone, you will be promptly pulled over to the side of the road and given a ticket. Huh? Well, it’s better not to be talking on the phone because you can keep your eyes focused on the road for stalled cars, potholes, oddly placed speed bumps and cars cutting you off from all directions. But, I think there is also a pretty good reason there is a law against running red lights, too. I guess the authorities don’t agree.

4. The car least afraid of getting hit wins…all the time. This is not really a great life lesson I want to teach my kid, but there is some truth to it. And, it is especially true with driving here. If you look like you are not in the least bit afraid of getting hit, you will probably be able to make that left turn from the right lane crossing incoming traffic at a red light. If you drive a big SUV with your lights on and haul booty down a two lane street with parked cars on each side making it a one lane street, you will find me pulling over to the side immediately and letting the monster truck pass.

I have much to learn about defensive driving that I never knew I had to learn. I am the timid one out there waiting to pull out into oncoming traffic longer than the person behind me wishes because I am cautious and don’t trust the cars rushing by won’t slam into my rear end when I pull out. But, I really don’t care. It’s much better to be safe than sorry or as I say it’s much better to be alive than dead! Well, I am proud of myself for facing my fears and passing Dr. Eric’s driving test and it’s a step in the right direction of getting out there and assimilating myself into the culture. Can you just imagine what kind of driver I am going to be when I get back?

This is a typical view from your car while driving.And, this one is just too funny. I had to show it because there is nothing about what is happening that suprises me one bit!

Toddler Joy

You know, daily I have a moment where I crack up because Little Eric has done something hilarious, a moment where I want to pull my hair out because I don’t think I can hear one more complaint, a moment where I just stare at him in complete awe at this amazing human being, and a moment where I am so tired I just want to lay down right where I am and fall asleep. There is no question in my mind that our little baby has become a little boy and has entered toddlerhood. I marvel at how this happened almost without me noticing. It seems like one day I was carrying him up and down the stairs because he couldn’t do it on his own and now he doesn’t even want me to hold his hand.

Toddlerhood has its challenges, I’ll tell you. Very little gets accomplished without a complaint. He wants water, but he doesn’t want his sippy cup, he wants MY glass of ice water, even though he will more than likely end up dumping most of it on himself and the floor, after which he complains that his clothes are wet. He wants to do almost everything by himself and often gets frustrated when he can’t accomplish the task, like putting his sock or shoe on. It is a test in patience to encourage him to try again while he is expressing his frustration, usually accompanied by, “no, no, no!” over and over again. On top of all of this we are going from two naps to one, and the little guy is often dog tired and cranky by the end of the day.

I know all of this is par for the course and it will pass. I know that his lack of language skills raises the level of frustration he feels when he can't get his point across. I know that the best thing I can do is slow down and be patient, but man is it ever hard! I guess I always thought toddlerhood was hardest on the toddler as they work through frustrating moment after frustrating moment of trying to learn how to do things with their limited ability to communicate. But, I am re-thinking this as I come to grips with my escalating emotions that flair up without almost any warning when an “incident” strikes. I marvel at moms I know who seem to have an endless supply of patience. This is not me, never has been, and I am sure never will be. The downside of my “bubbly” extroverted personality is a short supply of patience.

I am trying to take a breath before reacting when my little angel inadvertantly dumps a glass of water on me from the bathtub because he missed the inside. I am trying my hardest to use my own “words” when I am frustrated at the little wiggleworm who won't stay still to have his diaper changed. But, can I just admit that it’s hard? My angry side has reared it’s ugly head too many times. And, I realize how I truly can’t do this motherhood thing without strength from God. I have started getting up early before anyone else is up just to gather my thoughts and pray for strength to get through the day. This seems to center me and help me tremendously.

I also remind myself daily that we have just interrupted Eric's life by moving him to a new country. I know that in some ways he has been a lot more resilient than we have, but I also know big life changes have an affect on little ones. And, I remind myself that he is trying to find his voice as he navigates through two languages everyday. He has actually stopped using some of the words he knows and has started babbling more. I think he might be trying to speak in Spanish and is probably totally confused about what word to use for what thing. It will yield an amazing bi-lingual reward…I know it will. And, you know I mostly really want to encourage him to grow and become the person he is created to be. In all of this I really don’t want to squelch or supress who he is. Sometimes it’s just hard to know the difference between teaching him boundaries and allowing him the freedom to explore.

I just finished reading this amazing book called “The Myth of the Perfect Mother” by Carla Barnhill about the darker side of motherhood. Mothers often don’t find a forum for the range of struggles and frustrations we deal with. The book also brings up how the church has imposed an idea that a mother’s place is at home full-time with her children and the guilt women feel when they have to or choose to work full or part-time away from home. I have had the book on my bedside table for over a year , moving it here with me to the Dominican Republic before finally picking it up. Talk about finding the right book at the right time! It was music to my soul to see my struggles as a mom on the pages of a book that didn’t try to give a quick fix, but rather gave a voice to what I call the “dark side” of motherhood. It has helped me realize I am not alone as I struggle with things like isolation, guilt over not being the perfect mother I thought I would be, anger, frustration and unmet expectations. It has reminded me that finding something to do in addition to motherhood is not only offers me an outlet for my passions and a contribution to the world outside my door, but time away will probably allow me to be a better mother and wife while I am home.

I don’t want to spend too much time on a soapbox here, but it’s just good to talk about the “real” stuff of life. Right now in the midst of figuring out our lives I, too, am struggling to figure out what my role is right now. We are looking into a morning Montessori program for Eric a couple of days a week. I think it will be good for Eric to be with other children, to be in a stimulating learning environment (especially in Spanish) and to gain some independence. I also think it will be good for me to have some time to pursue something outside of our house. There are so many things I can pursue in this new country I am living in and I think it’s time to start getting out there. It’s all just part of the getting settled process.

Waiting for tomorrow.

I just really feel compelled to write a short post about my feelings about the presidential change of command tomorrow. I am one of those that is excited about our new president. I was cautiously inspired when I first heard about him. And, the more I heard him the more I recognized there was something different about him. He earned my support and my vote for reasons I could write about in another post. I am hopeful about the future of our country, even though we are in such a mess right now with the economy. Some may choose to be pessimistic or cautious, but I am going to be hopeful that every day can be a little better than the days we have seen this past year.

So, here I am outside of my home country watching everything with a slightly different viewpoint than I have had before. For one, I am wishing I could be "home" to commemorate the historical day tomorrow. And, I am realizing how great America is. For all it's faults, it is a really great place. People do want to do good and watch out for each other. People can vote their conscience and their voice is heard. People are given so many opportunities to make their lives better. I am proud to have an American passport and proud that my child is an American citizen.

As I was watching some of the MLK day coverage with Eric in my lap I was filled with such hope that the country we are from will offer him countless opportunities to do good with his life. He can do anything he puts his mind to, and succeed at anything God calls him to.

But, all of this isn't given to us as a free handout. We have to make it happen. For example, the scholarships might be there for Eric to go to a great University without having to pay a dime, but he has to earn the good grades and apply for the scholarship. But, you know what? The opportunities are there.

I guess this is the first time it has really hit me hard that we have opportunties in the U.S. available for all aspects of life that other countries don't have access to. I am living a good life in a country that has no welfare system, poor health care to the general public, lacking public schools, and a lot of other less than desirable circumstances. But, even with all of the small challenges we have had, which are nothing compared to the challenges of the average person, we are living well. I don't plan on taking what we have available to us in the U.S. for granted again.

And, although Obama is much more than the "first black president" in my mind. I must say it is worth all of the celebration to see Martin Luther King Jr's dream realized. It reminds me that no matter what you look like or where you family is from, with a big dream and a lot of hard work, you can make anything happen. Call me a romantic (which I am), but I am pretty hopeful that my Dominican-American son can do anything he puts his mind and energy to.

Raising Awareness

I'm finally setting up my blog with links. Some are, of course, friends I try to keep in touch with and enjoy reading their blogs. And, some of the links are part of a growing list of projects or information on the Dominican Republic as a way of raising awareness about the country. The DR is by and large a very poor country with great need. In addition to poverty, hunger, and lack of clean drinking water there is a growing number of people effected by HIV/Aids.

Check out the links to the side to find out some of the organizations trying to make a difference. One is an organization I found out about in Boston that sponsors women in poverty who are about to give birth helping them have a clean, safe birthing experience. The infant mortality rate in the DR is somewhere right in the middle of the chart of mortality rates. It's not the worst, yet far from the best when it comes to safe and clean places to have a baby.

Another site is World Vision who is doing tremendous wonrk to give kids in impoverished situations an education, which is a key to a life out of poverty and is directly related to a stronger future for this third world country. Eric and I had a great experience sponsoring a child through World Vision and am hopeful we can visit our former sponsored child sometime while we are here.

The third link is a project I recently learned about that was started by a woman who worked in ministry in New England for several years previous to her relocation. I am learning a little about her project in one of the barrios on the outlying area of Santo Domingo and hope to make a connection with her soon.

As I learn more about ministries and organizations here I will keep the list updated to spread awareness. Also, if any of you know of some organizations who are doing good work here let me know in the comments.

Just an update.

Well, we're still waiting for our internet connection. It's been a month that we put the order in after which it took two weeks for the company to come out and hook up both our phone and the internet. The internet connection didn't work and now we are on the second week of waiting for them to come out and figure it out and get us hooked up. I joked with Eric that at this rate we are going to get the 1st months bill for an internet connection we don't have yet!

And, we've been patiently waiting for our car to get here only to find out yesterday that it hasn't been shipped from Boston yet. I guess it's been tied up with trying to verify our title or something. We are not happy about this, but grateful for the flexibility of Eric's mom for sharing her car and toting us around town to run our errands.

Eric has a job! And we are so thankful to finally have that big question answered and to start having an income! He is working with an engineering firm as the new Technical Director. The company is about 4 or 5 years old and builds mostly commercial buildings. Eric will be consulting them on the technical details of their projects (basically that means he will make sure they are strong enough to stand on their own and endure hurricanes and earthquakes) and he will be growing the newly formed Technical Department of the company. He is also going to be teaching at a local university where he is starting an Engineering Foundation. It's a lot to do, but it's exactly what he hoped he would be doing, as he felt really strongly he should use his time here to help guide the infrastructure of the capital.

I've been making curtains for Little Eric's room and the living room. Once we have them up I am going to post pictures of our sunny little apartment. We feel moved in and very comfortable. I just wish the mosquitoes would leave me alone. Yesterday morning I was filled with hope as we packed up to the spend the day at my mother in law's while they fumagated the grounds of our apartment complex only to be completely disappointed after getting bitten 3 times shortly after we got home. My sister in law swears they will stop biting me once my body adjusts, but I am still waiting.

We've had a chance to get out and walk around in one of the parks here in the city. Like Boston, Santo Domingo has some really nice large parks in the middle of the city. They are a great escape from the chaos of the city. As we were walking the other day we remarked on how quiet it was even though we were in the middle of the city. Mostly it felt so good to just get out, move and breath some fresh air. And, we think we saw Pedro Martinez riding his bike through the park...that was pretty fun, even if we couldn't see his face.

There is a beautiful botanical park right across the street from the place Eric works. It's a huge park and I think it's a lot like the Arboreatum in Boston. We tried to go walking there today, but we got there right after the gates closed. I'm hoping to get there next week sometime.

The weather has been more than ideal, especially for January. I know so many of you are buried in snow while we are wearing short sleeves and living with open windows. I have to admit I haven't missed any of the snow just yet. It's pretty nice to be wearing your favorite summer clothes in January!